Happy New Year -2014

Happy New Year -2014

As I sit here on New Year’s Day, I think about the past year. WOW! What a year it has been. I also think  that in less than two weeks, it will be the 23^rd anniversary of when my mother died at the age of 48. For a LONG time, I thought that was my fate too, but now that I am a month away from my 49^th birthday, I realize how much time I wasted thinking that.  What I thought was going to be my last year on earth was one of my best ever!

 In October of 2012, I started an incredible journey and this past September, I became a Certified Professional Coach. It was a lot of work, but worth every second that I spent doing it. I met incredible people along the way and know that I will have some of them in my life for a long time.  I spent my 48^th birthday locked in a hotel due to a major blizzard with this group of wonderful people. It was ironic that for many years, I thought that 48 would be my last birthday and it ended up being a rebirth of sorts. A rebirth to a new me!  I actually had a fantastic year! I looked back at my gratitude journal from the past year and there was so much that I was grateful for.

Completing my Coaching certification was pretty big this year, but another huge event for me was the day I jumped out of a plane! Yup! If you had asked me a few years ago if I had any interest in doing this, my answer would have been an absolute NO! Something changed and I realized that if I could jump out of a plane that I could do anything!  Jumping out of the plane made me realize that the anticipation of the act is not the same as the act itself. How often do we get stressed about something then when we finally do it, it just isn’t that big of a deal. That is what jumping out of a plane was like. It solidified, what I had been learning over the past few years and that is to not sweat the details..

As I approach 49, which for a long time I didn’t think I would ever see, I have a new outlook and a new mindset. This isn’t the end…….it is only the beginning… Bring on 2014. I can’t wait to see what is in store this year!

You are right - You can't!

The other day, I received a voice mail from my friend Kelly, inviting me to try out some fitness classes that her club offers.  I e-mailed her and told her that I had plans, but if anything changed, I would let her know. Let me start by saying, I have been so busy lately that I have not had time to work out and even when I do workout, I usually prefer to work out alone than in a class. So attending a class is out of the norm for me.

Well my plans fell through and I found myself available to go to one of the classes. I debated whether or not I really wanted to. I had a few glasses of wine the night before and would really have preferred to stay in bed, but I said to myself, “Self – you say you don’t work out because you don’t have the time – well here you go! You have time. Now get your ass out of bed!” So I did.

I had no idea what kind of class  I was attending. I was a little nervous because, my back had been bothering me all week, and I didn’t want to completely throw it out. I know some of the classes they offer are strenuous and because I had not been working our regularly, I  did not think it would be wise for me to overdo it. But something just told me to go.... so I did.

I walked into the club and we got started. “Grab a jump rope.” I heard.

“Shit! I should have stayed in bed.”  I started to panic. “I have not jumped rope in over 40 years. Are you freakin’ kidding me?” I thought to myself. But I follow orders and got a jump rope.  It was awkward, but before I knew it, I was jumping rope.  “Hmm. I can do this. Look at me, I am jumping rope! “

Then I stumbled. Once I stumbled all I could focus on was that I could not get back in the groove. The more I focused that I couldn’t do it, the more I couldn’t do it. Then I stopped focusing on what I couldn’t do and just did it. And then I was jumping rope again…..Until I stumbled.  Again, I was focused on  not getting my groove. I kept tripping and could not get back into a groove. The more I focused on not being able to jump,  the more I couldn't jump.  As this continued to happen to me, I realized that our thoughts really do create our reality. The more I continued to think that I could not jump rope – I couldn’t. Once I took the focus off of what I couldn’t do, I was jumping rope!

As I stood there at 8:30 in the morning, jumping rope I realized that the universe really does work in mysterious ways. The plans that I had scheduled for Saturday morning were in place for months. They were only cancelled less than 12 hours before I was in the club jumping rope.  Kelly has never called me up to invite me to one of her classes.  In fact,  I have only worked out with Kelly in one of her classes once and that was  a few years ago.  So the universe not only wanted me to have a great workout,  even if I can’t walk up and down stairs or sit without holding on to something, it taught me a much stronger lesson yesterday morning.......

Whatever you believe is true......

If you think you are less than – you are!

If you think you can’t – you can’t!

If you think you are powerful – you are!

If you think you are unstoppable – you are!

 

What is your reality?

Where is your focus? 

What can you do today to believe that you can do anything you want?

Because you can.... you just need to believe it and it will be true!

Is fear real?

 

 

 

 

What is fear?

Why do we have it?

How do we get passed it?  

Last year, my husband and I were at an event that included a silent auction. One of the prizes was skydiving for 2. The starting bid was $80.00. I told Bill that I thought we needed to do this. He didn’t really agree, but went along with me anyway. I told him that we could bid up to $100. We put in the opening bid for $80. I kept checking as the night went on, but did not see anyone else outbid us. Apparently , I was the only crazy one in the room.  I began to panic that I might actually have to do this. At the end of the night, my sister informed me that I had “won” the bid. I handed her $80 and she told me that it was $100. Apparently someone else did bid $90 and my husband followed my instructions and outbid them.  When I asked him why he did that, his response was “you said you wanted to go to $100”. Of course, what he didn’t realize is that I had kind of changed my mind and I really hoped that someone else outbid us and we did not have to go.

So the universe wants me to jump out of a plane. Ok that is fine. The next day, my sister told me that she could not find the gift certificates. “YES!” I thought I don’t have to do it. Keep my money. It was for a great cause. She called back later to give me “the good news”, she found them.  “yeah” I think (sarcastically)

So the event was last fall. We knew that we would not jump in the winter. We waited for Spring and Summer. Both such busy seasons that we just could not find the time…..Or didn’t really try to..

My quest to do this started a few years ago when two women that I know did this. I was really inspired by their courage to face their fear.  Up until that time, I never had any interest in skydiving. I am not really sure I even have any interest in it now, but when they did it, I realized it was more symbolic than anything. This is something I need to do for personal growth and development. If I can jump out of a plane – I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! Both Bill and I have a pretty significant fear of heights. Although people say skydiving is not the same, I tend to think that being 10,000 feet above the ground is pretty high!

The other day, I looked at the gift certificates and realized that they expire in November. So I thought, we need to do this. Last Friday, I called the company and spoke to a really nice woman that actually helped ease my nerves. She told me that her first jump was in 1960s – no tandem! She explained that people get a rush from jumping.  I told her I don’t need a rush. Not really even looking for one. I explained that jumping is part of a personal development journey. I figure if I can jump out of a plane, I can pretty much do anything! She agreed and said that a lot of people do it for the same reason.

 We laughed as I asked her about video and whether or not it would capture the vomit that was sure to occur. She also told me that one of the options included audio… I am not sure that I or anyone else will want to hear all of the profanity that will be used, as I float to the ground.

As we ended the call, I thanked her for putting me at ease and asked her what her name was. Her response,  “Fran”. Are you kidding me? Well if that wasn’t my own universe telling me that I can do this, I don’t know what it was!!! So on Saturday, Bill and I scheduled our jump for the very next day. We were jumping out of a plane on September 8, 2013 

September 8, 2013 –So as I look out the window at a gorgeous day and think this is the perfect weather for this. Today is the day that I realize that I can do anything!  As the morning wore on, Bill had some misdirected anger over some very insignificant issues. As I asked him what was bothering him, he kept mentioning things that did not seem to  stress out my fairly calm reasonable husband on any other normal day. Yet today, he was extremely moody. Hmm..

“What is wrong, ‘dear’?” 

“We are running late. You are on the computer to long. Blah blah blah.”

 “Really?”

“Well yeah that’s what is really bothering me.”

“Really?” I say with a smile “Do you think that maybe you are a little nervous that you are jumping out of a plane this afternoon?”

“No”

“Really?”

“Ok. Well maybe.”

So a little Reiki and a mini coaching session, to calm his nerves and I get my calm reasonable husband back.

Now if only I can get rid of this in pain in my neck and shoulder. I am sure it is my stress.. ….I am not feeling too nervous because my “friend” Fran from the universe had calmed me down, but damn – I can’t turn my neck.  So we continue through our morning getting our weekly “chores” done. So that we can have lunch and relax before it is time to go.

As I was preparing lunch, the phone rang. It was about 2.5 hours before our jump.

“Hi we need to cancel you jump for today due to high winds.”

Are you kidding me? We are finally pumped. Have rushed through our “chores” and just about to take a shower… UGH!

Oh well now we wait until next week…. The universe has a plan, Just wish periodically she would share it with me. So now what to do with the rest of the day…

As the day rolled on, and I realized that we would have already jumped,  I thought I would be a little relieved, but I am actually disappointed that it didn’t happen.  I was actually looking forward to it. Now we have to wait an entire week. I will assume next week’s weather will be even better than today….  

September 14, 2013 – So as the week  has gone on, I had a little more anxiety about tomorrow’s jump. I think I have had too much time to think about it. Last week, I had not told too many people abut the jump. We booked it so quick, there really wasn’t much time. This week, I actually had time to tell people and see reactions. Most questioned, “Why?” It is hard to explain to people that I am doing something that I really have no interest in doing, but know that it will change my life.  So 24 hours from now, I will be getting ready. I’m excited, nervous, scared, anxious, and have a sense of calm because I know I am supposed to do this…..  

Look out below – I am coming down!  

9/15/13 8:00 AM – Two hours until our scheduled start time.. We will be there for a few hours as they review everything. Getting nervous… but excited…  

So we arrived at the skydiving place and last week Bill was the nervous one, but today it seemed to be me. But I knew that I wanted to do it. We sat through a video of a lawyer basically telling us we could die, be disabled, disfigured etc.. and there is nothing that we can do about it because we are waiving all rights to sue them. This went on for 20 minutes.  We signed our life away watched a video on how to jump and then waited for our names to be called.  

They called our names, we suited up. I met my tandem instructor, Ian. He was cute. Three daughters, one of which was there to go get him lunch. She was probably twelve. Nice guy. So I thought. He has a lot to live for. At this point, I was getting excited. Surprised that I was as excited as I was. He made sure that I was secure. We boarded the very crowded plane. Bill was going to jump first. I was second and everyone else to follow. I am not sure if it was good or bad to go first. Bill got to the open door and he looked scared, which made me afraid for him.  He went. Everything happens so fast that you barely have time to even be concerned. We were next. Ian got me up counted to three and pushed me out the door. SHIT! I am skydiving.. when we were free falling, I had a little panic. It was hard to breathe. We were going fast and  face was flapping in the breeze, once the parachute opened, we could see the ground below us. Beautiful yards. I could see Boston off in the distance. It was very peaceful. Nothing like I imagined.  

I think the moral is that we work ourselves up to expect the worst and really what is so bad? I am a person that NEVER thought she would jump out of a plane, but for some reason over the last few years has thought that I needed to do it as part of a personal development journey. I do not feel like my life has changed by jumping out of a plane. So what that tells me is that anything that I fear is really not that significant. Fear is not real. Fear is made up of the things we hear. The things that we learn in our past. The things that we tell ourselves so that we don’t have to try new things.  

Why do we let these things hold us back. Why do we iisten to the stories? Why do we believe that the fear is real when in fact it is in our control. We can control whether or not we are fearful. Fear is not bad, but do we let fear hold us back? Why? Because it is an excuse to not move forward?! How often does fear hold you back from moving forward? From doing what you want to do? 

As of today, I will no longer let that happen. Because part of me realized that fear is not real. It is something that we create to limit ourselves. I don’t even feel that different after doing it. Which tells me that I REALLY can do anything!  

What are you afraid of? What can you do to move past it? When will you do it?  

Because of my experience, I am willing to offer anyone a complimentary coaching session. My friend Cindy offered this when she skydived and it was life changing to me, so I want to pay it forward. If you want a complimentary coaching session,please contact me and I will help you work through your fears!

Francine@elpatransformations.com  or

978-996-2852

Dear Dakota,

Happy Birthday!!

You would be nine years old this year. I can’t even really imagine what that would have been like. I still picture you so tiny in my arms. I often wonder what you would have been like. If you were anything like your brother and sister, you would be active.

Maybe you would dance like Madisyn or take Karate like both of them.

Would you be artistic?
Would you be musical?
Would you be athletic?
Would you be quiet? Unlikely, but possible.
Would you have a crush on a boy in your class?

As the years have passed, I have tried to stop wondering … Sometimes I think that as the years pass, it should be easier, but then I realize it just adds more wonder to it all. As each year passes, new questions arise.. Each milestone that should have been, becomes another missed event. Another empty memory.

Every day I am reminded what an incredible impact we all have on each other. I often wonder why we don’t tell each other that until it is too late. I realized a long time ago the impact that you had on me and for that I will be forever grateful.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Angel Dakota….

 

Love

Auntie Francine

 

Dear Dakota,

It was not that long ago that Uncle Bill and I were standing in line to pay our respects to the parents of an angel. As we waited in line, I listened to everyone talking and speculating how the parents were doing. It brought me back to when we had to say goodbye to you and how helpless those around us must have felt. As we stood in line, tears just ran down my face as the pain of that time came rushing back to me. I ached at what those parents were going through. I ached at what we all still go through every day without you.

 It has been almost nine years. That still does not seem real to me. You are still that beautiful angel that I held in my arms on that February morning.  It still is so surreal to me at times. I look at how big Mason and Madisyn are and can only imagine what you would look like. Act like. Sound like. I will never know. The one thing that I know for sure is that your life had so much meaning to me. To all of us. Without you I may not have learned what is really important in life. You have taught me patience and forgiveness. You have taught me what is truly important and what I should not waste my time on. It amazes me how some people spend their lives searching for the answers and it took an angel in my arms to show me.

I was recently asked who has influenced my life. One of my responses, was “My niece Dakota”. When I said it, I was somewhat surprised, but not really. Your brief time with us in this world has taught me so much about myself and about life. I know I say it often, but you taught me to be a better person. You have taught me to want for more. You have taught me that I am more. That we are all more. When we lost you, just like other families that lose an angel too soon, I spent a lot of time, needing to make sense of it all. I tried to rationalize it. There is no rationalization.

Over the years, I have learned to look at all problems, challenges and difficulties in my life as opportunities. Losing you was an opportunity for me to help find myself. To make myself a better person.  I didn’t want losing you to be in vain. I needed there to be a reason. You opened my eyes to the things that are really important. I needed to create a purpose for your short powerful life. For me, your purpose was to help me have better insight. To teach me to slow down. To teach me what is important. To teach me I don’t and never will have all of the answers and that is ok. I need to be grateful for the process of being in the moment and knowing that there is a higher purpose for all of us. We just need to slow down and listen to what the universe is telling us.

I will never stop missing you or loving you and I will never stop being grateful for the impact you have had on my life… you are one of the greatest influences in my life and I love and thank you for that.

 

Love

Auntie Francine and Uncle Bill

In Memory of Sloane Elanjian

May 30, 2012 – October 9, 2012

40:58

That is how long it took to achieve a goal and cross it off my bucket list. 40:58 that is the length of time that it took me to complete my first 5K today.

About a year ago, I decided that I wanted to run a 5K. I am not sure why I decided this because I HATE Cardio. Love strength training, but hate cardio. But something told me that I needed to do this. But it seemed that every time I started training, something happened.My back went out, I got sick, I got bored, I talked myself out of it. ….whatever it was, I did not do it last year. This year, I started looking at races again. I found one in June. I told myself this year, I was going to do it. I started training and did not really follow the training schedule. One of my best friends, Melissa, told me that she signed up for one on April 29^th. What the hell? I will do that one. She had been pretty faithful at the gym. Not me. I was not sure I could do it. So two weeks ago, I went to a place that I knew was 3 miles. I ran 90 % of it. So I figured, “Let’s do it”. I signed up.

One week ago today, I lost one of my closest friends suddenly. He died of a massive heart attack. If that wasn’t a wake up call to stop putting things off I don’t know what was. He was only 50 years old and so full of life.

As the race day approached, my friend Melissa told me that she understood what a tough week I had and would have understood if I couldn’t do the race. I told her that this past week was all the more reason that I HAD to do this race. It made me realize that life is too short and there are too many “ I should have… ”and “ I need to…” There need to be more “ I did…. “

Well today “ I did run and complete my first 5K!!”

I definitely had an angel on my shoulder for the last mile. Today as I put my bib with my runner’s number on my shirt, I placed a picture of Scott on the underside of the bib. I told him we were doing this together and I expected him to get me through.

I did not have many goals for the race. One was that I did not want to walk any of it. I didn’t. The other was that I did not want to finish last. I didn’t. The other was that I wanted to beat my time of 44 minutes. I did. All goals accomplished. I am not much of a goal setter, but I have learned to realize that without them, we have nothing to strive for…. So goals accomplished!

As soon as the race started, My feet went numb and my breathing was heavy. Uh oh. I thought.. “This is going to be a long three miles.. The route had mile markers at mile one and two and water at mile 1.5. When we got to the first mile, I was happy that was done. Then when we got to the water station, we knew we were half way done. But then there was mile two. The hill they told us about. That was going to be tough. I decided to look down and not ahead. I slowed down my pace and just went for it. Got to the top of the hill and had a cramp in my side for the remainder of the race. This is when I started talking to my friend Scott. “Scott – come on babe we can do this” I joked with him that his face was pressed against my stomach and he needed to get rid of the cramp. The cramp stayed, but talking to my friend helped me continue. Throughout the course, there were people in their front yards clapping and cheering. Each time I wanted to give up and walk, someone shouted “Great job. You're almost there.” I remember one woman sitting on her picnic table just clapping. I high fived a child. Those people gave me the motivation to keep going..

As I got closer to the finish line, I could hear the cheers and the music. I turned on the field and entered the track. I was exhausted and wanted to stop. I could see the finish line in my sight, but my body wanted it to be over. I told Scott I really needed him and at that very moment, my speed picked up and  I was running faster than I did throughout the entire race.  I felt like I was being  lifted and pushed to the end. I crossed the finish line and remember someone handing me a bottle of water and remember thinking, I DID IT!

It is amazing what a difference a week makes. This time last week, I was reeling from the news of Scott’s death and today he helped inspire me to stopping putting off my dreams… Thanks my friend....

I miss you….my friend

D.Scott Noble 

November 30, 1961- April 22, 2012

Taken from us too young... too soon.....  

Have you ever met someone that was truly a good person? I mean good to their core? Not phony, but genuinely a good soul.

Have you ever met someone that never said a bad word about anyone?

Have you ever met someone that always had a smile on their face? And always had a way to make you laugh?

I had the privilege of having someone like that as one of my dearest friends. His name was Scott Noble. 

Scott was probably one of the nicest people that I knew. I have been friends with Scott and his wife Maria for over fifteen years. Maria is one of my best friends. They are genuine caring people who truly loved each other. When I got the call on Sunday from Maria telling me that Scott “was gone”, I thought I must have misunderstood that Atlanta accent of hers. As much as I wanted to believe that I may have misunderstood her, the truth was  I didn’t.  It is still so surreal to me and everyone around us that he will no longer be with us. Scott and Maria were the type of friends that you could see once or twice a year and it was just like you saw them yesterday. We have been so fortunate that over the last few years, we have been able to see them more often. 

We were lucky to have just had dinner with them a few weeks ago. As always, there were many laughs. Scott really just enjoyed life. He liked the simple things in life.  Family and friends. He didn’t need anything more than that. There was never a time that you were with him that he wasn’t talking about his children or his grandchildren. He was so proud of all of them and loved them more than life.

Scott’s kids and Maria were trying to finalize his obituary today and they wanted to add some personal notes. We all tossed around things that reminded us of Scott. His Smile is what I will always remember. His son Scotty said, “When he talked to you, he had a way of making you feel like you were the most important person in the world”.  That statement stopped me dead in my tracks.  What an incredible thing to have your child (or anyone) say about you! Scott was not a rich man in material items, but he was rich in something you cannot buy:

Love, Respect, Kindness and Goodness. 

Scott’s love for Maria was always evident. As is her love for him. They were best friends. They truly enjoyed being together. Being married to your best friend is the best foundation for a marriage and they had that. 

I cannot believe that last summer was our last July 4^th celebration that we will all be  together. We have been getting together for years to celebrate, Gloucester style. We did add our own twist to the celebration as we crammed six adults into one of our vehicles, usually with someone laying down somewhere, and  we drove through the streets of Gloucester heading to the parade and the fireworks, singing songs from KISS (usually it was usually the song "Beth", played over and over and over). Every year we sang louder and every year we laughed harder…. It will never be the same without you… 

I still am not sure when the reality will hit me. I am not sure that I ever want it to. Scott was taken from us far too young. I have heard people talk about him over the last few days and have read online posts. Scott was a man that was truly loved by many. I think most of us can only hope that people can say such nice things about us after we are gone. His sense of humor and his sense of caring are what made him special to all of us.. 

Scott.. I miss you and love you..  

Your bright light will burn on through your children and your grandchildren.