What was I really afraid of ?

A few years ago, my husband Bill and I went skydiving. Skydiving is something that I never had the urge to do. I am not an adrenaline junkie. I don’t like heights. So there didn’t seem to be any good reasons to do it. Except that I felt it needed to be part of my personal development journey. I thought, “if I can jump out of a plane, I can do anything.” We won a package at a silent auction. I remember thinking that this was something I needed to do. We jumped tandem with an instructor. I remember telling the instructor that the reason that we were doing this was because we had a fear of heights. He said something to me that day that shifted my beliefs about fear. He said, “You are not afraid of heights. You are afraid of falling.” WOW! That was a powerful shift in my beliefs. It made me think, “Is fear real?”

I have been struggling with a fear that began over 30 years ago, yet I have no idea how it got to this point…  It is amazing to me how we can let one event in our life dictate how we show up for all future experiences.  That is what happened to me. The logical part of my brain knew the fear was unfounded, but I couldn’t move forward.  People would make fun of me, but what they didn’t know was that I was really paralyzed by fear. I would join in on the laughter when they made fun of me, because I couldn’t really explain what was really going on.  I couldn’t explain to people why I couldn’t pump my own gas! Why for over 30 years I had to either go to a  full-service gas station or my husband would have to pump gas for me. Lucky for me, I have the best husband in the world!

I got my first car right after I graduated high school in 1982. It was an electric blue Plymouth Valiant. I loved that car.  At the time I would pump gas with no issue. After having my Valiant for a few years, it was time to get a new car. Although I don’t remember the exact specifics after all of these years, I do remember the first time I went to a gas station to pump gas in the new car.  I remember that it was different than the Valiant and I could not figure out how to pump gas in the new car. I had to leave the gas station and find a full-service station to get my gas. From that point on, I never pumped my own gas again. Back then it wasn’t such a big deal because there were plenty of full-service gas stations, but over the years that has changed. It is not as easy to find a full-service station. In fact, I only know the location of one and it is not even in my town.

I am sure that when Bill and I first started dating and were first married, the chivalrous thing to do was to pump my gas. I don’t even think that I realized that it was a fear and just thought it was nice to have him take care of it. Every Sunday, I would ask him to take my car and get gas for the week. It was part of our weekly routine so it didn’t seem unusual to either of us. There were times that I would forget to ask or he would forget to take it. Most of the time it was ok, but when I really needed gas, I would either have to go the full-service station or I would have to meet him somewhere so he could pump my gas.

Over the last couple of years, this started to seem ridiculous to me.  I am an independent, smart woman and should be able to do this, right? It is just gas. Friends and family would say that I was a princess who let her husband pump her gas. I would play along and just laugh, but the reality is I just couldn’t do it. Bill and I started having conversations regarding teaching me how to do it.  This seemed reasonable.  

But…..

Every time I needed gas, he would ask, “do you want me to show you?” My response would normally be, “not this time.” “it’s raining… It’s snowing… (fill in the blank with any excuse). He would just respond, “Ok. Whenever you are ready.”

I couldn’t believe what was happening inside of me when we would have those conversations. My inner critic would have a field day as my rational brain tried to make sense of what was going on.

“Seriously. What is the big deal?”

“I will be embarrassed to have someone show me how to pump gas. I am 52 years old and that will look ridiculous.”

“Who will be looking.”

“Everyone else at the gas station.”

“And do you know ‘everyone else’ at the gas station.”

“No… but….. They will think I am stupid and pathetic and (fill in the blank)”

“Really? Do you think they will even notice?”

This conversation or a version of it, went on every time we discussed “teaching” me how to pump my gas. My fear was taking over. A few weeks ago, I realized that I was really low on gas and had a lot of driving to do. Bill had to meet me at work so that he could take my car and get gas so that I wouldn’t run out. I thanked him profusely and he said it wasn’t a big deal. But it was. My fear was taking over.

Once we allow fear to take over we can’t move forward. The voice in our head creates a story that has no real truth to it. We make up more stories as time goes on and we believe them.  As I learned when I went skydiving, fear isn’t real. What we think we are afraid of is usually a mask for what is truly happening. My fear wasn’t about pumping gas. It was about:

“What if I don’t know how?”

“What if I do it wrong?” 

“What if I need to ask for help?”

Etc. etc. etc………

Recently, I was talking to someone about my skydiving experience and explained what I learned about fear that day. So it got me thinking about my fear around pumping gas.  The next day, Bill and I were going out for the day and we had a lot of driving to do. Before we got in the car, I had made the decision “I am going to pump my gas today!” Well unless I change my mind before we arrived at the gas station 😊

After we left the house, I told Bill we needed gas. His response was “Ok”. I still had not told him that I had decided that today was “the day”.. I thought if I don’t say it, I can always change my mind… As we drove to the gas station, I kept telling myself that if I can’t get past this fear, how can I help my clients get past their fears? How can I get past any other fears that hold me back? I told myself that I know that the fear isn’t real. It is a story that I have been telling myself for over 30 years.  I know that I have made this to be something so much bigger in my head than it actually is. It is time to let it go…

I blurted “Ok. I am going to pump my gas today.”

“Ok. Are you sure?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but I know I have to do it. So tell me what I need to do because I don’t want you to do it with me. I want to do it myself. I just need to know the steps I need to do.” I said with a nervous laughter

Bill proceeded to tell me how to open then cover, which gas to choose, etc.

As we pulled into the gas station, I scouted he pumps to see which had the least amount of people near it.  It was a busy Sunday morning so most of the pumps were full.  I pulled up to a pump. The gas tank is on the passenger’s side so I rolled down Bill’s car window in case I needed help or coaching, I shut the car off, and then I started laughing hysterically. This is what I refer to as “crazy laugh”. No sound was coming out, I wasn’t really breathing. My body was shaking with no sound coming out.  It was the anxiety of what I have built up inside of me. Bill asked if I was ok. I nodded that I was.  I finished my crazy laugh and knew it was going to be ok.

I had my credit card in hand, I got out of my car and walked around to the pump.

I opened the door to the gas tank.

I swiped my credit card.

So far so good.

I took the pump off the handle.

“I got this!”

I put the nozzle in the car.

I chose the gas that I wanted.

And I squeezed the handle.

THE GAS WAS PUMPING!

Bill checked on me. I told him I was fine.

I watched the numbers keep moving up. I could hear the gas pumping.

Then the click.

It was done.

I took the nozzle out.

Put it back on the pump.

Closed the cap, shut the door and got back in the car.

“I did it!”

Seriously? 

That was it? 

Nothing happened. 

Not even a little blip.

I don’t even smell like gas. 

Wow! 

For many people this will seem like a silly story, but when you have a true fear you create a reality about it that only you can change. We tell ourselves the story so many times that we really believe it. Then the story changes and becomes bigger than it really is. What really was going on with me? It wasn’t about whether or not I could pump gas? I am a smart woman that has led teams in organizations. I can be taught to do anything. I teach others.  What this was about was that inner critic that is inside all of us. It is the voice that tells you that “you are not good enough” or “you are not smart enough” etc.. it is important to not believe what that voice is telling you. Sometimes pushing past a fear is the greatest gift that you can give to yourself. Bill and I talked about it after. He will still pump my gas because he likes to do things for me, but I CAN pump it now if I need to. It will actually make it more special when he does it now, because it will be done because he wants to do it and not because he has to do it because I can’t do it due to fear.

Any fear can be overcome once you realize what it is really about. Typically fear is not about what we think. My fear of heights wasn’t about a tall building it was about falling from that building. My fear of pumping gas wasn’t about not knowing how it was about being perceived as stupid or incompetent.

Look at the fears in your life that hold you back. 

What is the story that you are telling yourself? 

What is the real truth? 

What can you do today to shift that fear? 

www.elpatransformations.com

How often do you change the part in your hair???

Recently, a woman at work walked into my office and I noticed that her hair was done differently.

When I asked what she had done, her response was, “I changed my part. It was driving me crazy the way that I was wearing it so I changed it.”

It was always obvious that it drove her crazy because she was always brushing it off of her face. But it took her years to change it.

“Isn’t it funny how we allow things to drive us crazy before we make a change?”  I asked.

How obvious is it that something as simple as changing our part can eliminate what bothers us in life…

Another woman piped up and said “I could NEVER change my part!”

“Why not?”  I asked

“I just couldn’t” she replied “It won’t change”

“When have you tried…..”

And a third woman added, “I wouldn’t look good if I changed mine”

“Who says…..”

This conversation about changing our hair got me thinking. Why is it that we are so afraid of change? We continue to do things the same way even though they drive us crazy….. such as, constantly brushing the hair off of our face, instead of changing the way that we wear our hair.

This conversation was a symbol for life. Why is it that we tolerate what bother us? Probably because the fear of change is so great that we would rather deal with what we know rather than face an unknown.  And, why do we assume the unknown is worse than what we know?

We often think, “What if I make the wrong choice?”
There is no such thing as the wrong choice. Every choice is the right one in our life’s journey.

I read something recently:

“Fate makes the map, but destiny is determined by the manner in wish you engage your journey.”

WOW!

Each choice determines our destiny. There is no wrong choice. Although some of our choices may make our journey seem more difficult, but what does that really mean? I think that when the journey is difficult it is then that we learn the most.

Having the conversation about how to wear our hair, made me realize how much we limit ourselves. Who says you wouldn’t look good if you changed your hair? Who says your part can’t be changed? These are beliefs that we put upon ourselves that limit us from changing. If we are right, then there is no alternative.

My coach recently asked me to think about how important it is to be right? As much as I didn’t like the conversation at the time, I had to think about what she said and choose to begin to let go of the illusion that there is a right or wrong. There is no right or wrong. There is only an opinion. Whether or not someone’s hair looks good or bad is an opinion, not a fact.

Change can be scary. But it can be fun and exciting too.
What is it about change that scares us?
Is it the unknown of what might be?
Is it the fear that the new won’t be as good as the old?
So what?
What if it is better!?

Fate is already mapped out.. The journey is up to you. There is no right or wrong. There is only choice…  If something isn’t working, choose to change it.  There is no wrong choice…There is only choice.

Choose often…
If you don’t like your choice, change it…
Every time - Choose you…

Because changing hairstyles is what prompted this blog.........
I thought it would be fun to share some choices I have made over the years...................
and there have been MANY….

Enjoy!

 

Happy Birthday My Sweet Angel

2/26/14

Dear Dakota,

Saying Happy Birthday to you should be said with joy and not a heavy heart. You should be ten years old today. Every year without you is tough, but some years are tougher than others Turning ten is one of those years. You should be entering the "pre-teen" years. Somehow that seems significant...

I look at Mason and Madisyn and cannot help but wonder....

What would you be like?

What would you look like?

What would you sound like?

Does the wondering ever stop?

How can it?

You are still such a huge part of our lives, yet you have not changed in ten years. You are still that precious baby I held in my arms on that horrible morning ten years ago. I remember the phone call at 2:00 am from your Dad, telling me the worst news I could possibly hear. "There is no heartbeat. She is gone." I remember thinking am I really awake? Did I hear him correctly? I must have misunderstood.... but I didn't I must be dreaming... but I wasn't...

I remember the car ride to the hospital. It was the longest ride in history with Aunty Raylene and Uncle Bill. We were silent as we drove in. We met all of your Grandparents there.

 

I remember seeing your parents for the first time before your mom went into delivery. the sadness on their faces was like no other that I have seen.

I remember hearing the most horrific sounds when she was in labor… The sound was that of insurmountable pain and agony of the reality of what was to come once she delivered you.

I remember seeing her after she delivered you. She showed you off with such love and pride. You were beautiful.

I remember the family around us.

I remember standing by the hospital window with you in my arms. I remember feeling the sun on my face and remember thinking... How can any of this be happening? It was a gorgeous day, almost Spring like. It seemed so perfect, yet it was so horrible..

I was holding my precious niece in my arms, for the first and the last time. I remember not ever wanting to let you go, but knowing I had to… I had to share you with everyone else that was there that loved you so much. We all needed to fill a lifetime with you, into a few hours….

There was so much love and sadness that day. I will never forget the pain we all felt from losing you. At times it is still so raw. Today is one of those times....... I know there will be other times that are just as hard, and other days that are not.

There is not one day that goes by that I don't think of you.

There is not one day that goes by that I don't miss you.

I love you yesterday, today and forever....

Happy Birthday my precious sweet angel….

 

Love

Auntie Francine

Happy New Year -2014

Happy New Year -2014

As I sit here on New Year’s Day, I think about the past year. WOW! What a year it has been. I also think  that in less than two weeks, it will be the 23^rd anniversary of when my mother died at the age of 48. For a LONG time, I thought that was my fate too, but now that I am a month away from my 49^th birthday, I realize how much time I wasted thinking that.  What I thought was going to be my last year on earth was one of my best ever!

 In October of 2012, I started an incredible journey and this past September, I became a Certified Professional Coach. It was a lot of work, but worth every second that I spent doing it. I met incredible people along the way and know that I will have some of them in my life for a long time.  I spent my 48^th birthday locked in a hotel due to a major blizzard with this group of wonderful people. It was ironic that for many years, I thought that 48 would be my last birthday and it ended up being a rebirth of sorts. A rebirth to a new me!  I actually had a fantastic year! I looked back at my gratitude journal from the past year and there was so much that I was grateful for.

Completing my Coaching certification was pretty big this year, but another huge event for me was the day I jumped out of a plane! Yup! If you had asked me a few years ago if I had any interest in doing this, my answer would have been an absolute NO! Something changed and I realized that if I could jump out of a plane that I could do anything!  Jumping out of the plane made me realize that the anticipation of the act is not the same as the act itself. How often do we get stressed about something then when we finally do it, it just isn’t that big of a deal. That is what jumping out of a plane was like. It solidified, what I had been learning over the past few years and that is to not sweat the details..

As I approach 49, which for a long time I didn’t think I would ever see, I have a new outlook and a new mindset. This isn’t the end…….it is only the beginning… Bring on 2014. I can’t wait to see what is in store this year!

You are right - You can't!

The other day, I received a voice mail from my friend Kelly, inviting me to try out some fitness classes that her club offers.  I e-mailed her and told her that I had plans, but if anything changed, I would let her know. Let me start by saying, I have been so busy lately that I have not had time to work out and even when I do workout, I usually prefer to work out alone than in a class. So attending a class is out of the norm for me.

Well my plans fell through and I found myself available to go to one of the classes. I debated whether or not I really wanted to. I had a few glasses of wine the night before and would really have preferred to stay in bed, but I said to myself, “Self – you say you don’t work out because you don’t have the time – well here you go! You have time. Now get your ass out of bed!” So I did.

I had no idea what kind of class  I was attending. I was a little nervous because, my back had been bothering me all week, and I didn’t want to completely throw it out. I know some of the classes they offer are strenuous and because I had not been working our regularly, I  did not think it would be wise for me to overdo it. But something just told me to go.... so I did.

I walked into the club and we got started. “Grab a jump rope.” I heard.

“Shit! I should have stayed in bed.”  I started to panic. “I have not jumped rope in over 40 years. Are you freakin’ kidding me?” I thought to myself. But I follow orders and got a jump rope.  It was awkward, but before I knew it, I was jumping rope.  “Hmm. I can do this. Look at me, I am jumping rope! “

Then I stumbled. Once I stumbled all I could focus on was that I could not get back in the groove. The more I focused that I couldn’t do it, the more I couldn’t do it. Then I stopped focusing on what I couldn’t do and just did it. And then I was jumping rope again…..Until I stumbled.  Again, I was focused on  not getting my groove. I kept tripping and could not get back into a groove. The more I focused on not being able to jump,  the more I couldn't jump.  As this continued to happen to me, I realized that our thoughts really do create our reality. The more I continued to think that I could not jump rope – I couldn’t. Once I took the focus off of what I couldn’t do, I was jumping rope!

As I stood there at 8:30 in the morning, jumping rope I realized that the universe really does work in mysterious ways. The plans that I had scheduled for Saturday morning were in place for months. They were only cancelled less than 12 hours before I was in the club jumping rope.  Kelly has never called me up to invite me to one of her classes.  In fact,  I have only worked out with Kelly in one of her classes once and that was  a few years ago.  So the universe not only wanted me to have a great workout,  even if I can’t walk up and down stairs or sit without holding on to something, it taught me a much stronger lesson yesterday morning.......

Whatever you believe is true......

If you think you are less than – you are!

If you think you can’t – you can’t!

If you think you are powerful – you are!

If you think you are unstoppable – you are!

 

What is your reality?

Where is your focus? 

What can you do today to believe that you can do anything you want?

Because you can.... you just need to believe it and it will be true!

Is fear real?

 

 

 

 

What is fear?

Why do we have it?

How do we get passed it?  

Last year, my husband and I were at an event that included a silent auction. One of the prizes was skydiving for 2. The starting bid was $80.00. I told Bill that I thought we needed to do this. He didn’t really agree, but went along with me anyway. I told him that we could bid up to $100. We put in the opening bid for $80. I kept checking as the night went on, but did not see anyone else outbid us. Apparently , I was the only crazy one in the room.  I began to panic that I might actually have to do this. At the end of the night, my sister informed me that I had “won” the bid. I handed her $80 and she told me that it was $100. Apparently someone else did bid $90 and my husband followed my instructions and outbid them.  When I asked him why he did that, his response was “you said you wanted to go to $100”. Of course, what he didn’t realize is that I had kind of changed my mind and I really hoped that someone else outbid us and we did not have to go.

So the universe wants me to jump out of a plane. Ok that is fine. The next day, my sister told me that she could not find the gift certificates. “YES!” I thought I don’t have to do it. Keep my money. It was for a great cause. She called back later to give me “the good news”, she found them.  “yeah” I think (sarcastically)

So the event was last fall. We knew that we would not jump in the winter. We waited for Spring and Summer. Both such busy seasons that we just could not find the time…..Or didn’t really try to..

My quest to do this started a few years ago when two women that I know did this. I was really inspired by their courage to face their fear.  Up until that time, I never had any interest in skydiving. I am not really sure I even have any interest in it now, but when they did it, I realized it was more symbolic than anything. This is something I need to do for personal growth and development. If I can jump out of a plane – I CAN DO ANYTHING!!!! Both Bill and I have a pretty significant fear of heights. Although people say skydiving is not the same, I tend to think that being 10,000 feet above the ground is pretty high!

The other day, I looked at the gift certificates and realized that they expire in November. So I thought, we need to do this. Last Friday, I called the company and spoke to a really nice woman that actually helped ease my nerves. She told me that her first jump was in 1960s – no tandem! She explained that people get a rush from jumping.  I told her I don’t need a rush. Not really even looking for one. I explained that jumping is part of a personal development journey. I figure if I can jump out of a plane, I can pretty much do anything! She agreed and said that a lot of people do it for the same reason.

 We laughed as I asked her about video and whether or not it would capture the vomit that was sure to occur. She also told me that one of the options included audio… I am not sure that I or anyone else will want to hear all of the profanity that will be used, as I float to the ground.

As we ended the call, I thanked her for putting me at ease and asked her what her name was. Her response,  “Fran”. Are you kidding me? Well if that wasn’t my own universe telling me that I can do this, I don’t know what it was!!! So on Saturday, Bill and I scheduled our jump for the very next day. We were jumping out of a plane on September 8, 2013 

September 8, 2013 –So as I look out the window at a gorgeous day and think this is the perfect weather for this. Today is the day that I realize that I can do anything!  As the morning wore on, Bill had some misdirected anger over some very insignificant issues. As I asked him what was bothering him, he kept mentioning things that did not seem to  stress out my fairly calm reasonable husband on any other normal day. Yet today, he was extremely moody. Hmm..

“What is wrong, ‘dear’?” 

“We are running late. You are on the computer to long. Blah blah blah.”

 “Really?”

“Well yeah that’s what is really bothering me.”

“Really?” I say with a smile “Do you think that maybe you are a little nervous that you are jumping out of a plane this afternoon?”

“No”

“Really?”

“Ok. Well maybe.”

So a little Reiki and a mini coaching session, to calm his nerves and I get my calm reasonable husband back.

Now if only I can get rid of this in pain in my neck and shoulder. I am sure it is my stress.. ….I am not feeling too nervous because my “friend” Fran from the universe had calmed me down, but damn – I can’t turn my neck.  So we continue through our morning getting our weekly “chores” done. So that we can have lunch and relax before it is time to go.

As I was preparing lunch, the phone rang. It was about 2.5 hours before our jump.

“Hi we need to cancel you jump for today due to high winds.”

Are you kidding me? We are finally pumped. Have rushed through our “chores” and just about to take a shower… UGH!

Oh well now we wait until next week…. The universe has a plan, Just wish periodically she would share it with me. So now what to do with the rest of the day…

As the day rolled on, and I realized that we would have already jumped,  I thought I would be a little relieved, but I am actually disappointed that it didn’t happen.  I was actually looking forward to it. Now we have to wait an entire week. I will assume next week’s weather will be even better than today….  

September 14, 2013 – So as the week  has gone on, I had a little more anxiety about tomorrow’s jump. I think I have had too much time to think about it. Last week, I had not told too many people abut the jump. We booked it so quick, there really wasn’t much time. This week, I actually had time to tell people and see reactions. Most questioned, “Why?” It is hard to explain to people that I am doing something that I really have no interest in doing, but know that it will change my life.  So 24 hours from now, I will be getting ready. I’m excited, nervous, scared, anxious, and have a sense of calm because I know I am supposed to do this…..  

Look out below – I am coming down!  

9/15/13 8:00 AM – Two hours until our scheduled start time.. We will be there for a few hours as they review everything. Getting nervous… but excited…  

So we arrived at the skydiving place and last week Bill was the nervous one, but today it seemed to be me. But I knew that I wanted to do it. We sat through a video of a lawyer basically telling us we could die, be disabled, disfigured etc.. and there is nothing that we can do about it because we are waiving all rights to sue them. This went on for 20 minutes.  We signed our life away watched a video on how to jump and then waited for our names to be called.  

They called our names, we suited up. I met my tandem instructor, Ian. He was cute. Three daughters, one of which was there to go get him lunch. She was probably twelve. Nice guy. So I thought. He has a lot to live for. At this point, I was getting excited. Surprised that I was as excited as I was. He made sure that I was secure. We boarded the very crowded plane. Bill was going to jump first. I was second and everyone else to follow. I am not sure if it was good or bad to go first. Bill got to the open door and he looked scared, which made me afraid for him.  He went. Everything happens so fast that you barely have time to even be concerned. We were next. Ian got me up counted to three and pushed me out the door. SHIT! I am skydiving.. when we were free falling, I had a little panic. It was hard to breathe. We were going fast and  face was flapping in the breeze, once the parachute opened, we could see the ground below us. Beautiful yards. I could see Boston off in the distance. It was very peaceful. Nothing like I imagined.  

I think the moral is that we work ourselves up to expect the worst and really what is so bad? I am a person that NEVER thought she would jump out of a plane, but for some reason over the last few years has thought that I needed to do it as part of a personal development journey. I do not feel like my life has changed by jumping out of a plane. So what that tells me is that anything that I fear is really not that significant. Fear is not real. Fear is made up of the things we hear. The things that we learn in our past. The things that we tell ourselves so that we don’t have to try new things.  

Why do we let these things hold us back. Why do we iisten to the stories? Why do we believe that the fear is real when in fact it is in our control. We can control whether or not we are fearful. Fear is not bad, but do we let fear hold us back? Why? Because it is an excuse to not move forward?! How often does fear hold you back from moving forward? From doing what you want to do? 

As of today, I will no longer let that happen. Because part of me realized that fear is not real. It is something that we create to limit ourselves. I don’t even feel that different after doing it. Which tells me that I REALLY can do anything!  

What are you afraid of? What can you do to move past it? When will you do it?  

Because of my experience, I am willing to offer anyone a complimentary coaching session. My friend Cindy offered this when she skydived and it was life changing to me, so I want to pay it forward. If you want a complimentary coaching session,please contact me and I will help you work through your fears!

Francine@elpatransformations.com  or

978-996-2852

Dear Dakota,

Happy Birthday!!

You would be nine years old this year. I can’t even really imagine what that would have been like. I still picture you so tiny in my arms. I often wonder what you would have been like. If you were anything like your brother and sister, you would be active.

Maybe you would dance like Madisyn or take Karate like both of them.

Would you be artistic?
Would you be musical?
Would you be athletic?
Would you be quiet? Unlikely, but possible.
Would you have a crush on a boy in your class?

As the years have passed, I have tried to stop wondering … Sometimes I think that as the years pass, it should be easier, but then I realize it just adds more wonder to it all. As each year passes, new questions arise.. Each milestone that should have been, becomes another missed event. Another empty memory.

Every day I am reminded what an incredible impact we all have on each other. I often wonder why we don’t tell each other that until it is too late. I realized a long time ago the impact that you had on me and for that I will be forever grateful.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Angel Dakota….

 

Love

Auntie Francine