What is the universe trying to tell me......

How often do we lose touch with people or just stop connecting….and why?  Social media makes it so easy for us to “connect”. With just a few clicks on a keyboard, we are connected. But is that really connecting? Since I joined Facebook, I have actually reconnected with a few friends and some family that I had lost contact with. But most of my Facebook "friends" are virtual and they lack substance.

Just this past week, I reconnected with a friend that I have known  almost 30 years, and I was the maid of honor in her wedding. She and her husband lived an hour away so most of the time when we got together, I would spend the weekends with them.  He and I were the night owls so we would hang out when she went to bed and watch bad late night television. I always remember having a good time with both of them. I also got to enjoy time with their friends and family. But, somewhere along the way we lost touch.  That was over ten years ago. Throughout the last few years, I would look for her on Facebook, to no avail. This past week, I drove by the location where her husband used to have a business. We had a lot of fun times there. I would go there after work and give haircuts to all of his mechanic friends. I can remember the Sunday afternoon that a few of us were there and he sliced his finger on a table saw and we spent an afternoon in the Emergency room. When I saw the old building this week, I thought I would try to see  if he was on Facebook and maybe I could connect with her through him. But….nothing. The I decided to try to find her again and this time I did... I “friended” her and sent her an e-mail.  

I asked myself, why did we lose touch? I can’t answer that, because I actually have no idea. Life got in the way? She had children. I was dating my husband. Not a good excuse, but the only one that I have ten years later.

I was excited when this past Wednesday she accepted my “friend request” and  responded to my e-mail. I told her that I would love to get together. I asked her how her kids and her husband were. She responded to me on Thursday and told me the kids were great, but that she and her husband had been separated for the last three years. That made me sad, but somehow I feel I knew something wasn’t right with them when I reached out to her. Maybe the universe was telling me to reach out to her. She gave me her phone number and I called her when I got out of work that day.  There was no answer, so I left her a message and I e-mailed her. I was anxious to reconnect and catch up on the last ten years.

When I got home from work on Friday night, there was an e-mail from her telling me that her husband had been killed in a car accident……..

I cannot stop thinking about her and her boys. I cannot stop thinking about the years that were wasted and for some reason that I am not even sure of. I cannot stop questioning what the universe is trying to tell me. I am wise enough to know that this is a  sign. The universe reconnected me with this friend the day before her husband died…..there is a reason for that.....but right now, I am not sure what that reason is or what the universe is trying to tell me.

Ø  Maybe the universe is showing me how important relationships are and that we cannot take them for granted.  All relationships take work and all parties need to want to work at it.  

Ø  Maybe the universe is showing me how precious life is.

Ø  Maybe the universe wants me to realize how short life is and that I need to respect and nurture it.

Ø  Maybe the universe knew my friend was going to need support now and brought us back together.

Ø  Maybe the universe has a different plan altogether and I will never know what it is.....

I have been saddened all day at the loss she is experiencing and the loss that I have allowed to occur. It is so easy to not work at relationships and let them end.  How often do we take the easy way out?

in memory of Tom.....

Butter flies for me??

So as I continue to read BFD (Blogging for Dummies) I realize I need a name for my blog.  …. First I need to figure out what my blog is about. I want it to be about life. But BFD suggests that you should be careful about what you write in your blog. People can be sensitive and once it is on the internet it is always there. So I think, how can I do what I want to do, without offending anyone… My husband says he doesn’t care what I write about him if I can make money at it… of course he says that now… 

Can I write about the trials and tribulations of the people at work? Can I write about the drama that I witness in life? Maybe if I protect the names of the innocent? Do I keep it strictly about me? Maybe I can blog about weight loss.. But that is old. I have been on a weight loss journey for over 15 years. I lost over 100 pounds (that accomplishment got me on one of THE last Oprah shows – (a story for another blog).  No, I don’t want to focus on weight loss. I want it to be about real situations and real people. As a society we are funny, complex and insane. That is really what I want to write about. 

Now, I need a name. I need to come up with a “catchy” name for my blog. This is when I don’t feel like I have any imagination.. But here goes….

 First thought: “Weighting for the write stuff” Cute play on words, but it is about weight.

Second thought: “Frankie’s thoughts”. My friend Maria that informed me that I am like Carrie from Sex and the City calls me Frankie. Cute, but doesn’t move me. So I write those two names on a piece of paper. I think about them and ponder. I don’t love either.  

I float around my pool on one of the last days of my vacation and I ask the universe what should the name of my blog be?  

Butterflies...... 

That  is what comes to me. 

I think, “Butter flies for me” 

It says it all. To me it has many meanings..  

When I was growing up, my Grandmother lived in a multi-family house. Her sister, my Great Aunt Maggie, lived on the first floor. When I would leave my Grandmother’s apartment, we would stop to say goodbye to Aunt Maggie. It was there that I would get a snack for the ride home…… a stick of butter!! Yup that is right, a stick of butter. (Hmmm and I wonder why I weighed 300 pounds). 

I keep repeating the name, “Butter flies for me”. It wasn’t until a few days later that I realized that I had seen a lot of butterflies over those few days.  

What is even more ironic, is that my family had a falling out with Aunt Maggie’s family thirty years ago and we just reconnected with them last month. None of us that are still around remember all the details of the fallout or think that it even matters at this point. It has just been a blessing to reconnect with family. We have been able to reconnect with Aunt Maggie’s two daughters, that were my mother’s cousins, the son of one sister and the daughter of another. We have another “reunion” this weekend. It has made me realize how important family is…

“OK Universe – I hear you”….again.  

Curious, I wanted to know what a butterfly symbolized. I logged on to Google and this is some of what I got: 

"Butterflies also symbolize: Resurrection, Transition, Celebration, Lightness, Time, Soul” 

“Imagine the whole of your life changing to such an extreme you are unrecognizable at the end of the transformation; keep our faith as we undergo transitions in our live” 

“It’s connection with the soul is rather fitting. We are all on a long journey of the soul. On this journey we encounter endless turns, shifts, and conditions that cause us to morph into ever-finer beings. At our soul-journey’s end we are inevitably changed – not at all the same as when we started on the path.”

“To take this analogy a step further, we can look again to the grace and eloquence of the butterfly and realize that our journey is our only guarantee. Our responsibility to make our way in faith, accept the change that comes, and emerge from our transitions as brilliantly as the butterfly.” 

“WOW!!”, I think to myself.. “That is me.” I am on a journey. A transition. I am a butterfly…….I read these descriptions of what a butterfly represents and realize that it is so fitting to the journey that I am on. I think in life we are ever evolving and transforming. Is there any explanation of a transformation better than that of a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly? That is a beautiful physical transformation. I have already had a physical transformatin, I lost over 100 pounds. I have made the physical transformation, now I am on a spiritual transformation. I am looking to be the best me that I can be. One of the things that  I have learned is the need to slow down.. (not an easy thing to do and I still struggle with it), but I realize how important it is to my health, my mind and my wellness.  If I had not  been able to slow down, I would have never heard the voice tell me that I was a writer. I would not be typing my third blog entry. I think to myself – “Wow imagine what else the universe wants to tell me?” All that I have to do is have the ability to listen……